9 months

Well, I am officially 9 months pregnant now.  I'm 36 weeks and a couple days although my uterus is measuring at 37 weeks.  It is hard to believe!  Reality is truly beginning to hit now.

I had an appointment with my doctor on Wednesday.  Now I will be seeing Dr. Quinn once a week.  I only have 2 appointments left to go--next week and the following week.  Unreal.

The appt. went quite well.  It started with an ultrasound.  We were able to see the baby (who is positioned properly with his/her head down) and hear the strong heartbeat (160 bpm).  The baby looked fabulous and measured in the 85th percentile at 6 lbs 12 oz.  The ultrasound tech reminded us that the weight could be 1 pound off in either direction.  And, at this point the baby is growing 1/2 pound a week.  So, with 3 weeks to go....we'll have a healthy size baby. Anywhere from 7 1/2 lbs to 9 1/2 pounds.  I'm hoping for the lower end of that. ;)

While getting the ultrasound the baby kept moving around, even opening and closing his/her mouth.  I loved it!   Several pictures were taken (they are posted at the end of this post).  One even showed us some hair.  When I asked if that was the normal amount, the sonographer indicated that they usually only see a few wisps and it is quite possible that our baby will have a headful of hair when born.  Wow!

After the ultrasound, we saw the doctor.  We did the basics (measuring the uterus and Doppler), plus a group B strep culture.  She also checked the cervix.  It seems I am between 30-50% effaced and 1 cm dilated.  I did notice this morning that my mucus plug seems to be coming out (lovely discharge).    That means I'm probably getting more effaced.  Also, when I walk, I feel like the baby might "fall out."  I know that isn't possible, but it is a funky feeling.  Anyhow, I guess that means the baby could come any time, from now until the scheduled c-section on April 14.

The last thing we discussed with the doctor was the c-section a bit more in depth than we had in the past.  In my 20s, I had major trauma and internal bleeding which required exploratory surgery.  So....I have a long scar going down my belly already.  I joked for years that I would love to get the "normal" c-section cut (horizontal) so I could have an anchor on my belly.  The doctor told me that she won't be doing that.  She will need to cut along the scar tissue.  The main issue is that if she makes a brand new cut (the normal cut for c-sections), it could further weaken the area of my abs and even make it more likely that I would develop complications (like a hernia).  I did ask if I could have regular stitches instead of staples.  Dr. Quinn said no.  She did say that had this been my first abdominal surgery she probably would have done stitches, but since I've got the scar, they will need to do staples to best put things back together, essentially.  Oh well.  I tried. ;)  

Our next appointment is this coming Wednesday.  It should be a quickie appointment where she addresses any concerns, does the Doppler, and measures me.  Nothing too exciting, really.  The only excitement now is the knowledge that I will meet my baby very soon!  I can't wait to hold and love on our baby! :-)

Baby G waving to everyone!  Loving those fingers!

A blurry profile shot...Baby G kept opening and closing his/her mouth!

Face---I love that chipmunk cheek!

Lots of hair, it looks like.

So Surreal

Even though I am only 23 days from giving birth to Baby G, it doesn't feel real yet. In fact, the idea of being a mom feels completely surreal.  Maybe it is because I have wanted to be a mom for so long (the last 19 years).  Or, maybe it is because I had 3 losses and I'm still partly afraid something will go wrong.  And, maybe it is because it is hard to imagine life with a baby that I can't quite picture in my mind yet (since I don't know what he or she will look like until April 14).  I'm not sure what is causing this surreal feeling.

What I do know is that I've been pregnant for what seems like forever.  9 months is really a long time.  I've gone through everything with being pregnant.  I've had loads of morning sickness---that finally seems to be going away completely (yay!).  I've had spotting.   I started feeling the baby move in small bits around 15 weeks, and now I feel bigger movements that sometimes wake me (it seems Baby G is trying to find his/her way out by force. LOL!).  The lovely "mask of pregnancy" adorns my neck, especially the right side of it.  I've had acid reflux.  That is a lot of fun....I love waking up because I just threw up in my mouth.  I can't go to sleep again then until I eat some Tums and things settle down.  Oh, and drool.  I read early on that I would likely have more saliva.  I had no idea how much.  Wow!

Then there are the obvious things like seeing your baby on ultrasounds and hearing the heartbeat on Dopplers or on a fetal monitor for 3 hours.  So, I do know that there is a baby that is arriving, but I can't seem to shake the feeling that it won't feel real until I have the baby in my arms. I still continue to hope and pray that our baby will be born healthy and strong.   I want to hold and love on my baby so badly.  3 weeks seems so close yet so far away.  I can't wait! :-)

My Mom

This morning I was thinking about the relationship I've had with my mom and how it has progressed over time.

I was raised by a wonderful, loving mother!  She would sacrifice anything for my sister and I, if needed, because she always put our needs (not wants, mind you) first.  When I was little, I remember thinking she was likely the best mom ever in the world.  Like many little girls out there, I wanted to grow up to be just like her.  Until I was 10, she was a stay at home mom.  She took care of my sister and I plus Dad.  However, I never felt, as a kid, that she gave up herself for us either.  She had clear views and goals in life--even going back to school to get a degree starting when I was in 3rd grade.

I grew up as a kid in the 70s.  There was a lot more sexism when I was a child than many little girls face now (or, at least, it was different).  TV portrayed the jobs for women as being nurses and stewardesses (now called flight attendants), not doctors and pilots.  I would tell Mom that when I grew up I wanted to be a stewardess and she would ask me, "Why not a pilot?"  She wanted me to strive for what I could be, not be limited by the roles currently being occupied by women.

One thing I always knew, at the time, was that my mom loved me and wanted the best for me.  As a little girl, I would get mad at her sometimes and pout, like most children, but forgave her quickly.  I wanted to be like her (or Dad to be honest--he was my hero).  She worried about me and my sister, but nothing that seemed unreasonable at the time.  Heck, when my family was stationed in Germany the 2nd time, my Girl Scout troop went to Berlin (for those youngsters out there---this was before the "Wall" came down--when there was a East/West Germany & East/West Berlin).  I don't remember Mom being worried one bit.  She didn't come but trusted in the chaperones.  Now, I'm quite sure she worried.

Things changed around the age 10 or 11, though, and extended into the teen years.  I fought with my mom a lot.  I rebelled against her (and Dad to a lesser degree).  We could never agree on school clothes and it was always a battle.   I thought she was annoying, butted into my business too much, and worried about me too much.  My thought was that I was capable, and she should trust in me.  It didn't help that I was extremely moody and going through stuff that she didn't understand.  She thought it was just hormones rearing their ugly head.  Later, in my 20s, we came to realize it was a clinical depression.

As I got into my later teens, Mom and I started to communicate better and she became a bit of a friend.  That type of relationship continued on even until I was in my 30s.  At some point, my mom became one of my best friends.  I knew I could trust her with anything.  I loved her (and still do) bunches!  I still thought she worried way too much.  She'd make a comment about something I was going to do while on the phone--you know, along the lines of "be careful"--and I would roll my eyes.  My thought was that I'm a capable adult and know what I'm doing.

Now that I'm about to be a mom, myself, I find myself appreciating my mom in ways I never have before.  I always knew it was a mom's job to worry about her children, but never quite "got it" until now.  I didn't understand that the worry starts before your baby is even born.  I worry constantly about Baby G.  If the baby isn't moving in the same way one day to the next, I start to worry.  Even if the baby is moving, I worry that something bad could happen or that the baby won't be born healthy.  I love Baby G with my whole heart and realize that worrying isn't part of my new job.  No, it is part of my connection to this baby.  I finally understand why my mom worries so much, even now.  It must have "killed" my mom the first time she let me go with a babysitter or overnight with friends or family.  I can't imagine being separated from my baby.  Right now, I can protect my baby to the best of my ability inside of me.  Once the baby is born, I will do everything I can to protect my baby by keeping my eyes and ears on Baby G.

My mom is an amazing mom to this day whom I love very much.  She has taught me a lot about being a mom from her example and things she has "taught" me growing up--little lessons she would pass on.  I hope I can be as good a mom to my baby.

Teachers Deserve Tenure

I know my blogs have mainly involved my life, but this time I feel a real need to express an opinion and defend teachers who seem to be under attack as of late.  Please know that my point of view and thoughts on this actually come from having taught in public schools for 5 years and 1 year at a charter school.

Teachers and tenure are a good combination.  Unfortunately, the general public has a general misconception on what is involved with tenure.  They seem to be under the belief that once you get tenure, a school can never fire you or get rid of you in any way.  This is simply NOT true!!  Tenure is basically a measure that allows a teacher some job security from school year to school year.

Let me explain what it is often like for a non-tenured teacher.  In my 6 years of teaching, I never reached tenure.  I was close, but then I moved to a different district and therefore had to start all over again to establish tenure.  So, I am quite well acquainted as to what it is like to teach without tenure.  Many private school teachers are also in non-tenured positions and experience what I did.  When you are working toward tenure, most school districts consider those employees annual contract teachers.  What that means is that they decide if they are going to hire you again from year to year.  Unlike most jobs that will only get rid of you if lay offs are needed or you are doing a poor job, an annual contract teacher could technically be told that they won't be hired the next year for no reason at all.  In fact, you could have a satisfactory to outstanding review on your performance evaluation, but not be hired back the next year.

I've worked in other jobs that didn't have me on an annual contract where I knew I had a job the next day, week, month, etc.  For a non-tenured teacher, he or she never knows for sure if she or he has a job until they are offered the position again.  I hated the uncertainty of not knowing.  I knew it could be a matter of a personality conflict that could lead me to lose my job.  I wanted tenure so that if they let me go, it would have to be under a justified reason.

The biggest misconception is that once a teacher reaches tenure, they can't be fired.  Like I said before, this is completely untrue.  A tenured teacher can be fired.  If a bad teacher is on the faculty at a school and they have a job to this day, it is not the fault of tenure....it is the fault of administration.  All tenure does is to guarantee teachers a job from school year to school year AND provide information on what would need to be done to terminate their employment.  The tenure contract outlines what needs to happen and in what order to lay off teachers, even those who have tenure.  It also outlines the steps that administration needs to take to terminate a teacher's position for poor performance.

One of the most common steps you will find is if the teacher gets an unsatisfactory performance evaluation, what steps need to be taken in order to get the teacher back to satisfactory.  The reasoning behind this makes perfect sense.  As long as administration did their jobs right, the first time, by accurately evaluating teachers before they are given tenure, the teacher was probably a good teacher in the beginning.  So the first effort the school and district will want to make is to see if they can get the teacher back on track.  It may be a combination of requiring new training and extra evaluations/observations and even having them observe other teachers.  If that still doesn't work and the teacher is still doing a miserable job, the administrators are guided by the tenure contract as to what documentation is needed to fire them.  It may take up to a school year or so, but it can happen.

Unfortunately, people really believe that bad teachers are out there because they got tenure and are allowed to stay.  Instead, I blame administrators who are unwilling to either see what their teachers are doing wrong and/or are unwilling to go through the steps to get rid of a bad teacher.

Plus Size Pregnancy

I am a plus size pregnant momma-to-be.  I'm not necessarily proud of that fact.  I wish I had started off thinner and had never gained the weight I did in the first place; however, it is a fact of my life....for now at least.

There are some challenges to being a plus size pregnant woman.  Namely--clothing.  Here, in the Springfield, IL area, there is only one store with one rack of plus size maternity wear--Sears.  Yuck!  I've never been a fan of Sears' clothing (despite their ads, etc....it always seems to be mainly polyester) and their maternity selection for a plus size woman is the worst.  Finding a store to actually carry plus size maternity wear inside their store and not just on the website is REALLY difficult.  It is quite ridiculous actually.  And many stores that may carry plus size clothing in general, do not offer plus size maternity wear.

I take one of two messages from this.  Either, (1) Plus size women aren't attractive enough to hope for sex much less hope to get pregnant, or (2) plus size women don't require maternity clothes since what they have is big enough already.  It really irritates the bejesus out of me!  Honest to goodness.  I wish I had some gumption (and business talent/designing abilities) because I think I could make a mint designing and selling plus-size maternity wear.  There are many plus size women out there like me who would like fashionable clothes in the first place and to have some fashionable maternity wear.  But, unfortunately, it is hard to find.

I got some of my maternity wear (at the store even) at Motherhood Maternity in a different town and later online.  I got some basics (like long sleeve Ts and turtlenecks that were cheaper than Motherhood) from JcPenney online.  I have seen all sorts of cute clothes, but none came in my size so I've had to make do with the selection I have---which is very limited.

A new issue I have run into is finding a nursing bra to fit me now.  This goes to being plus size, but also I know there are some women who aren't plus size who have issues with this as well.  While I've been pregnant, I've been able to get regular bras at Lane Bryant since they do carry my size (and larger).  However, a maternity bra was out of the question because even Motherhood didn't carry my size.

Now, I need a couple of nursing bras to get me started once the baby comes in 6 weeks.  I'll be quite honest about my size....I believe I will need a 40G or possibly 40H (I'm currently in 40DDD, but that is actually at least a size too small).  I've tried online looking at JcPenney.  Not even they carry my size.  They stop at DDD (E).  I've even tried Motherhood, and nada..... I recently went to a breastfeeding class held at the hospital and the instructor told those of us who were large busted to come up and talk to her at a break.  She had 2 stores that we could use.  Of course, the closest store is 1 1/2 hours away.  The next closest is an hour and 45 minutes away.  Apparently, anyone carrying large size nursing bras is hard to find.  I felt especially bad for a woman who said she started the pregnancy as a 38H.  I can only imagine how hard it is for her now, knowing how hard it is for me.

I wonder what stores are thinking when they don't sell clothing for plus size pregnant women, much less having a variety of larger bra cups available to women.  Do they really think that the only women to get pregnant are skinny minnies?  Really?  Or that a plus size pregnant woman is satisified with staying in plus size clothing?  I wasn't.  It was cheaper for me clothing wise to get maternity pants and shirts that have allowed my body to grow without having to buy bigger sizes the whole way through.  As for bras, do they really believe that women never get larger than a DD or DDD when pregnant?  Do the designers really operate this way too?  It really annoys me to no end.

Anyhow, my lovely husband will drive with me an hour and a half away in a couple days so we can see if I can find a bra.  Hopefully, it won't cost a mint, but I doubt it.  Apparently finding something my size is rare so therefore will likely cost a lot.  Lovely.