So Surreal

Even though I am only 23 days from giving birth to Baby G, it doesn't feel real yet. In fact, the idea of being a mom feels completely surreal.  Maybe it is because I have wanted to be a mom for so long (the last 19 years).  Or, maybe it is because I had 3 losses and I'm still partly afraid something will go wrong.  And, maybe it is because it is hard to imagine life with a baby that I can't quite picture in my mind yet (since I don't know what he or she will look like until April 14).  I'm not sure what is causing this surreal feeling.

What I do know is that I've been pregnant for what seems like forever.  9 months is really a long time.  I've gone through everything with being pregnant.  I've had loads of morning sickness---that finally seems to be going away completely (yay!).  I've had spotting.   I started feeling the baby move in small bits around 15 weeks, and now I feel bigger movements that sometimes wake me (it seems Baby G is trying to find his/her way out by force. LOL!).  The lovely "mask of pregnancy" adorns my neck, especially the right side of it.  I've had acid reflux.  That is a lot of fun....I love waking up because I just threw up in my mouth.  I can't go to sleep again then until I eat some Tums and things settle down.  Oh, and drool.  I read early on that I would likely have more saliva.  I had no idea how much.  Wow!

Then there are the obvious things like seeing your baby on ultrasounds and hearing the heartbeat on Dopplers or on a fetal monitor for 3 hours.  So, I do know that there is a baby that is arriving, but I can't seem to shake the feeling that it won't feel real until I have the baby in my arms. I still continue to hope and pray that our baby will be born healthy and strong.   I want to hold and love on my baby so badly.  3 weeks seems so close yet so far away.  I can't wait! :-)