One Year Ago

One year ago today, I was admitted to ICU at Orange Park Hospital in Orange Park, Florida. As my day started on the 20th of February, I never anticipated that by early Saturday morning I would be in ICU.

Instead, I was excited!! My fiance was coming to see me. He couldn't come down for Valentine's day, so he was coming that weekend instead. We had been counting down to his visit and I was looking forward to his visit. How I got through a day of teaching my 1st graders, I don't know. We hadn't seen each other since January 2 (the longest we had been apart since our first date in July). I couldn't wait to pick him up at the airport.

My day went pretty quickly; however, trouble started around 2:25 p.m. that afternoon. At that moment, a headache came on and strong. I had over 30 children in my classroom ready to be dismissed at back drive (where parents drove and picked them up). I was losing my patience quickly, partly because each time I turned my head, I had this pulsing sensation in my head. After I left the kids at the dismissal point with another teacher covering for me, I headed home so I could take out Daisy Mae (my dog) and then head to the airport to get Chris. I took a couple of Motrin before I even left school and I hoped they would take effect soon. Once at the airport, not only did I still have a headache, but it was a bit worse. So, in a scramble (and after realizing Chris's flight was delayed by 15 minutes), I went to gift shop and bought more Motrin and took 2 of them.

Chris and I were able to visit with each other, but I could tell he was worried. He encouraged me to go to the doctor, but I said I would be fine. It was a weird bug and I was sure I'd feel better in the morning. We had dinner and then hung out on the couch spending time together. But by 9 p.m., not only was my headache still there (not one Motrin ever worked) but I was also tired and wanted to lay down. Chris was also tired. Chris, again, encouraged me to see the doctor right then. I said no. So, he went to the guest room as I went to my bedroom. Soon after getting in my room, I was freezing cold. I was in my PJs and under the covers and couldn't get warm. I tried to sleep but with an awful headache that only seemed to get worse and being cold, I couldn't.

Around 11 p.m. I had to use the restroom. So I went to my bathroom. I had problems walking there, as I was dizzy and unsteady. As soon as I sat on the toilet, I threw up every where and couldn't seem to stop. I knew that I needed to see a doctor and soon. I had never been this sick before in my life. As I held the wall and my furniture to walk, I changed my PJ pants which now how a ton of vomit on them. I sat on my bed, took my temperature (which was over 103), and yelled for Chris. I kept calling out for him until I heard him say he was on his way. He came right away to see what was going on. I told him I thought I needed to see the doctor. He agreed after I told him what had been going one with me. He threw on his jacket and went outside to warm up my car. Then he came and got me. I could barely walk. He had to help me walk.

From there we went to the hospital ER which was only 5-7 minutes away. I anticipated we would have to wait a while before being seen...isn't that how it always is? Instead, after telling them what was going on, they brought me back within 5 minutes. I couldn't walk anymore and they rolled me by wheelchair. After that, my memory gets very fuzzy. I know someone mentioned spinal meningitis, but don't remember when. I had to give them a urine sample and they sent Chris in with me to help. In our state at the time, neither of us thought to mention we weren't married and were waiting to be initmate until we were. However, Chris was a perfect gentleman and helped me on and off the toilet but hid his eyese otherwise. I remember being cold and put in a room where it seemed like we waited forever. Chris says they gave me drugs and they knocked me out like a light.

Around 5 a.m. or so, the doctors determined I had spinal meningitis and admitted me to the hospital and finally moved me to a room in ICU. While that was going on, Chris had the task of notifying my parents about what was going on. I spent 3 weeks + in the hospital from there. During my time in the hospital, it was discovered I had a hole in my skull and neurosurgery was done to correct the problem.

In all, I was away from work for 2 1/2 months. It was a difficult time for my family, friends, Chris, and myself. I am so grateful that God was there for us! I had many friends praying for me and people I didn't know also added their prayers. I never want to scare my family or Chris again like that if possible. It was a year ago, but doesn't seem like that long. I do have one side effect of that surgery--an inability to smell (I can taste for those wondering). But, all in all, if that is the payment I need so that I can live....I'll take it. Life is good and wonderful! I married my best friend a few months later and we are quite happy. I hope this next year, though, is a bit less eventful.

Post D&C

I'm sure the doctor told me how long I would have cramping/bleeding post D&C, but I don't remember. So, I looked it up on the internet and it said up to 2 weeks was normal. I even texted Amy, my sis, to ask her since she's been through it before too. She said it lasted a week for her. I wonder how long it will last for me.

The day of the D&C I had some bleeding and mild cramping. Nothing major and less than I expected. The next day there was no bleeding and no cramping, which quite frankly surprised me. Saturday I started cramping out of nowhere. It was fairly mild though and later I was spotting. The next day....nothing. Good, right? Well....on Monday, again the cramping started again. This time it was mild to medium and bleeding had picked up. I had that on Tuesday as well with more cramps by the evening (in the morning I had some bleeding but no cramping...boy, did that change!!).

Chris was worried about whether I should still be bleeding and/or cramping this long after the D&C. He encouraged me to call the doctor. I figured I would call on Thursday if it was still going on; however, today things changed.

This morning I scrubbed the Master bath and when I was done I decided to use the facilities. Before I flushed, I looked in the toilet (I don't know why!) and found a clot--about the size of a quarter and it looked as though it had tissue on it. This concerned me. So, I called the doctor's office and left a message. Michelle, my doc's nurse, called me back. She said it was likely just a big clot, nothing to worry about and that cramping and bleeding was normal. But, she would discuss it with Dr. Quinn to let her know and see if she wanted me to come in sooner, etc. Now, I patiently wait for Michelle to call back.

While on the phone with Michelle, she told me that she was going to call me today anyhow. She said some of the blood work had come back and they determined that the test for a blood clotting disorder came out normal. That is good news, but I was sort of disappointed. I was hoping that would be the answer to our problems. If it was, it would have been an easy fix. Well, at least we've ruled out one cause.

A Happy Valentine's!

For the first time since I was in high school, I had a date for Valentine's Day!! Woo hoo! Of course, my date was my husband. LOL! Last year, when we were engaged, we had a webcam date. So, not the same thing. He did fly to see me the very next weekend and we were supposed to have a date that weekend. However, life events nixed that idea when he took me to the hospital on Feb. 20 and I was diagnosed with spinal meningitis.

This year was much better than last or any other Valentine's Day in my past. We started off the morning with Mass (of course...we try to be good Catholics after all). Then we headed on home for fun and excitement! LOL! Not really. We exchanged Valentine's. Chris got me a Jim Shore angel....you can't go wrong getting me angels. I got him a basketful of goodies including chocolate and some fun boxer shorts. Then, Chris played on the computer and I took an hour long nap. Boy, I'm getting old. ;)

Our plans for the evening were to see a movie and then get dinner. We went to the 3:20 showing of "Valentine's Day", appropriate, huh? The theater was packed, even for the matinee. The movie was entertaining and cute. Even Chris gave it an "Okay" rating (which is pretty good coming from him--since he doesn't really like movies). After the movie, we went to O'Charley's for dinner. I know, real fancy, right? But we had eaten there 2 weeks ago and had this delicious steak. I wanted that steak again. I can't recommend it enough...the Louisiana Sirloin. Absolutely, positively, delicious!!! Mmmmmm....I was unable to finish so that left me with leftovers for lunch the next day. I like how that worked out. :-)

Overall it was a great and wonderful day. I love Chris so much. I love our life together! I know that Valentine's Day is somewhat of a fabricated holiday, but it is good for taking that time to reflect on how much you love a person too.

On Monday, we went furniture shopping. About 3 weeks ago, we went to Stahl's and ordered a couch, chair, and ottoman that should arrive sometime in March. So, yesterday we went to Ashley Furniture and ordered a coffee table, 2 end tables, and an entertainment console. I can't wait until we pull together our living room!! We still need to get chairs for our kitchen and twin beds for our guest room, but that will happen soon.

When we got home yesterday, I was exhausted and slept for 2 hours. I also had some gnarly cramps and bleeding again. From the research I've done, I could have cramps and bleeding for up to 2 weeks past D&C. I'm ready for that part to be done. The good news was that last night I was able to get my wedding rings back on. Since I was 6 weeks pregnant (a little over 3 weeks ago), I was bloating so bad that I needed to take them off (for fear that if I didn't they would have to be cut off). I'm glad I'm debloating now and can wear my wedding rings again.

Anyhow, I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine's Day!! :-)

Another Loss

Last Friday, Chris & I went to the doctor for our 8 week ultrasound and first meet with her. We were excited, although I was still paranoid. I thought I shouldn't be. After all, my 2nd betas were good (285) and everything seemed normal. I was still symptomatic and had no spotting. But a part of me was fearful that I wouldn't see a heartbeat.

Well, my fears were realized when the ultrasound came up that morning. No heartbeat. The baby stopped growing at 6 wks 2 days. Heartbreak! I started crying and Chris held me close as my fears were realized. Afterward, we met with the doctor who was very sympathetic. We discussed blood tests since it was my 3rd loss and scheduled a D & C so that she could collect the tissue to analyze. The D&C was scheduled for February 11. I would be 8 weeks and 5 days.

The grief at first was overwhelming. It hurt so much and would come in waves. Sometimes I could laugh, other times all I wanted to do was cry. Then I got angry. Very angry at God! I couldn't understand what I have done that is so wrong that would make Him keep taking babies from us. After all, there are drug addicts who were able to carry a baby to term. I let go of the anger though. It is still hard to understand, but I know God always has a purpose.

We went in one more time for another ultrasound the day before the D&C to "make sure." But I knew. I've been charting to get pregnant and knew that the age of the baby was correct. So I knew there was no way that I was wrong and that the baby would develop further. We were right. But it was nice seeing the baby one more time to say goodbye.

Then, I had the D&C. I'm glad that is done. Now, Chris & I can move on from the loss. It feels weird having an empty uterus again, but I'm hoping we can fill it again with a baby that this time will grow with us and be born healthy after 9 months.

The doctor wants us to wait to try again until after I have my first period. Now, I'm trying to figure out how NFP works in this particular situation. I'll do my best charting to prevent pregnancy for once. But if I do get pregnant again during this time, it won't be the end of the world. My doctor seemed most concerned with being able to date the next pregnancy.

We go back on March 1 to meet with the doctor to go over the results of the blood tests and the analysis of the tissue. We are hoping for an answer. One that is an "easy" fix to my apparent inability to carry a baby to term. I pray that God will help the doctors find that answer for us.