My Perspective: Gays and Gay Marriage

When I was in high school, I did not think much about homosexuality, particularly gay people. They were out there, but didn't affect me. As far as I was concerned, homosexuality was wrong and nasty. I didn't really foresee myself interacting with gay people or having them as friends. This is not to say that I would be mean to them or think nasty things of them, much less say them. With limited experience, my perspective was limited.  I went to high school in the mid- to late-80s. I doubt my perspective at that time was unique.

College expanded my mind in many ways. I interacted with a whole world of diverse people, even in Kansas. :) I learned about different sorts of people and different cultures. But, again, my view was that homosexuality was somehow wrong. To be frank, the idea of a woman kissing another woman or a man kissing another man grossed me out. It made no sense to me. I could not, for the life of me, understand why anyone would choose to do that.

One day, in my social psychology lab, we had some guests come to speak to our class. We often had guests in class to expose us to different schools of thought and research. This panel was a bit different. It was a panel of LGBT students. They were there only to answer our questions. Any question we had except questions regarding faith/religion and AIDs (those ended up in arguments and would take over the discussion). All sorts of thoughts ran through my head about what I could ask. As the panel answered questions, I was unable to ask a single one. Not because they didn't call on me, but rather because as I listened to them, I figured out the answers. Silence struck my being. My mind opened up with a new clarity, a new perspective.

When I entered class that day, I can honestly say that I was homophobic. When I left class, I was no longer homophobic. Two things occurred to me in that room for that hour. Two things that left me convinced that being homosexual was not wrong.

1. I realized that someone who was gay was likely born that way. They didn't choose to be gay. The students who talked to us all related how they realized they were attracted to members of the same sex early one as young children. What really struck home was the answer they all gave to a question asked by another student in my lab. He asked them, "If you were to have children someday, would you be okay with them being gay? Would you want that for them?" Every last person answered, "No!"  It hit me in that moment that no one would knowingly choose to be discriminated against, to be treated as a pariah, to be called names, taunted, and abused.  Who would choose that?  They wouldn't even choose it for another person, and most had tried to deny it in themselves; attempting to fit in and be who others wanted them to be to no avail.

2. Love. That is all. Love. For some reason, I put homosexuality in the framework of just sex. Heterosexuality is not just about sex. It is not only who we are but who we love.  So why had I thought of homosexuality being only about sex? It wasn't. It was about what attracts a person and who they love.

From that moment on, my world opened up. I worked with gay people and became friends and allies to gay individuals. I can't imagine my life without those individuals in it. They have helped me to become a better person.

Recently, on Facebook, there was an outpouring of support for gay marriage through the changing of profile pictures to the equal sign. A beautiful tribute, in my opinion. I considered changing my profile picture as well, but decided that I wasn't in the mood to fight with others over it. Unfortunately, not everyone feels as I do on gay marriage. I support it 100%. To me it is an expression for those gay couples to make a long term legal commitment. In my view, our Constitution supports equality for all. Most of those opposed complain that gay marriage is wrong because God said it was wrong. The Constitution, our country, is not supposed to make laws based on religious beliefs, not as I understand it. Besides, I truly feel that if being gay was so wrong, then God would not have allowed people to be born gay. And yes, they are born this way, of that I am convinced through my gut and by recent evidence found by researchers (click the link at evidence to know what I'm talking about).

I hope that someday my gay friends and family will have the same rights that I do. They deserve it, in my opinion, as U.S. citizens and human beings who love each other.

Post-Partum Hair: WTH Happened?

One of the most glorious parts about being pregnant is your hair. Whether it looks more shiny and beautiful or not, it gets thicker than normal because it doesn't shed. For someone like me, who has very thick hair, your hair gets super thick! I didn't mind so much except when it got warm out and I wanted that thick mane off of my neck.

It has now been over 4 months since I gave birth to Grace. About three weeks ago, it started. The shedding. My head finally decided to let go of all that excess hair. It has been shedding in clumps. Every time I comb out my hair or wash it, loads of hair falls out. Every time. My hair has gone from super duper thick to very slightly thick. It is thinning daily though so I'm sure it won't be in the thick category much longer.

My hair post-partum with my oldest daughter, Ginny.
The hair didn't change. It stayed as curly as normal.

There has been another interesting development with my hair this time around. The character of it has changed.

When I was little, my hair had a little bit of wave to it, but for the most part it was straight. It was like that through high school, except on the rare occasions where I got a perm. I got my last perm soon after high school graduation, the spiral perm which was big at the end of the 80s.  Unfortunately, the perm started to fry my hair so during the spring of my freshman year in college, I got the perm taken out and cut my hair shorter to get rid of all the fried hair. Not long after this, I found that my hair seemed awfully curly. I thought that the perm must not have come out fully and just assumed that for a long time. Then, one day, I realized that my hair was getting curlier. The nature of my hair went from slight waves to curls. Every year, no matter how long my hair was, my hair got curlier and curlier.

My hair now. It has wave and some curl, but not nearly the
same as before.

Until now that is. My hair seems to have reverted back to the way it was in high school. It has definite waves and some curl, but it is no longer as curly as it was. It also requires that I wash my hair more often. When it was curly, my hair dried out faster and I washed it every 3-4 days. Since it is straighter, I find myself having to wash my hair every other day.

I'm not sure what to think. Is this change temporary or permanent. I guess only time will tell. Until then, I guess I will have to pull out my curling iron to style it since letting the curls go natural no longer seems to work.

Flailing Arms

A rare event. Grace asleep without being swaddled.

When Ginny was an infant, she hated being swaddled. She would wiggle and squirm until she could get her arms out of her bindings. Then, once out, she would roll onto her side and sleep. She started doing this Houdini act at 2 weeks old. I stopped attempting to swaddle her by the time she was 3 weeks old. There really was no point.

Grace, our charming 4-month-old baby, is nothing like her sister was. She loves being swaddled. She needs it. It calms and soothes her. Ginny used a pacifier to sooth herself, but Grace won't take a pacifier at all, much less suck on her thumb. So, swaddling it is.

I wish that I could get away with no longer swaddling her. I can't. If she is not swaddled at bedtime, she starts to flail her arms about and wakes herself up, every time. I keep trying, but it has yet to work.

The problem is that we are beginning to running into issues. Grace is a big baby. The swaddling blankets are getting smaller and smaller, making it more difficult to achieve a tight swaddle. Most baby stores sell the product Swaddle Me, but they only work on babies up to 20 pounds. Grace is very nearly 20 pounds, if not that weight already.

Hopefully, someday soon, she will either learn how to fall asleep without flailing her arms or how to sleep through the flailing arms. Maybe. I hope. Sigh.