Trying for Another

When Chris and I got married, we knew we wanted to have children. We planned to start right away because I was already 37 and not getting any younger.  Because of my age, we figured that it might take us a while to get pregnant, and even had come to terms with the fact that we might not be able to conceive. Needless to say, we were quite surprised to find out we got pregnant on our honeymoon. Shock, surprise, and delight were the emotions that filled us up at that time.  We ended up telling our families right away. We wanted to shout it out from the rooftops.  Our joy was short-lived though. Two days after confirming our pregnancy, I started bleeding and ended up losing the baby.

The pain that followed was tough. Not only did Chris and I have to mourn the loss of what might have been, but we had to go back and tell our families about our loss.  I was crushed, but hopeful. To me, the fact that I got pregnant so easily was a good sign. My fertility was still in place. We should be able to get pregnant and have a baby. So, I kept praying that we would get pregnant again. And, we did. Twice more. Two more losses. For our first two pregnancies, we didn't make it past 4 1/2 weeks. The last loss, our third, was the hardest. We made it to 8 weeks, or so I thought, when we discovered the baby died at 6 weeks. I was devastated and so was Chris.

As we healed and prepared to try again, I changed my prayer to God. I stopped asking Him for a pregnancy. He had already granted me three of those. Instead, I got very specific and asked Him for a full-term pregnancy that would result in a child that we would be able to raise into adulthood with His love and guidance.  I also asked Him for no more losses. I told God that I would much prefer not to conceive than to lose another baby.

Even now, those losses are hard. I still remember each due date. I still remember the hope. I still wonder if my babies are angels in heaven, and if I will ever get to meet them someday. Truthfully, I believe they are angels now.

It has now been nearly 9 months since we had Ginny. The doctor told us to wait 9 months before we tried to conceive again. She felt that my body would need time to heal and fully recover before undergoing another C-section. Chris and I want to have at least one more baby.  We are hopeful that we will be able to provide Ginny with a sibling, something we both want for her. However, I am now 40. At 40, the odds of conceiving drop, and it is more likely that if we do conceive that we will miscarry.  We are ready to start trying again, but I am scared that we will face the same losses again. Obviously, we don't want anymore losses. I would much rather not get pregnant again than to lose another baby. The pain is just too much.

Again, I am asking for God's help and guidance in this next attempt to have a child. My prayer has shifted a bit as well. "Dear God, Please help Chris and I conceive a baby that we will carry to term. A baby that we will raise into adulthood with Your love and guidance. Please also grant us this baby so that Ginny has a sibling that will be with her throughout her life. Amen."

"Meet Me on Monday"

Another blogger I follow, Mouthy Barber Mom, started playing a question game today. I liked the idea so much that I decided to do it myself. If you are a blogger too, try it as well. ;) Here we go.

Questions:

1.  Wrapping paper or gift bags?

I'm starting to become a huge lover of gift bags! But, I still like wrapping gifts in paper (provided I have the time) with beautiful bows.

2.  Real or artificial tree?

Artificial. I lived in apartments for years that didn't allow live trees due to the fire hazard. Besides, I'm very allergic to pine trees. I don't want to be in pain or have an asthma attack at Christmas.

3.  When do you put your tree up?

The Saturday after Thanksgiving....always!!

4.  When do you take your tree down?

That has been a matter of debate in our house. My husband leans toward New Year's Day (or soon after). I shoot for the 12th Day of Christmas--January 6.  So, somewhere between then, usually.

5.  Do you like eggnog?

Heck, no! Gross.

6.  Do you have a nativity scene?

Yes.  We actually have 2 of them.  I don't have the one I dream of though. I'd love to have the Willow Tree Nativity scene someday. Love it!

7.  Favorite Christmas Movie?

Depends on the year. I love so many. Right now it has to be "White Christmas". I adore old movies.

8.  Favorite Christmas cookie?

Sugar cookies with icing on them. A close second are oatmeal raisin cookies that I make (my mom's recipe).

9.  Where will you eat Christmas dinner?

We will be going to my brother-in-law's house and have a celebration there before Christmas this year (with dinner).  However, for the first time since knowing each other, Chris and I will be having a Christmas dinner at home on Christmas day. I'm so excited!

10.  Angel, bow or star on top of your tree?

Angel.  I grew up with angels on the tree.  I can't imagine it any other way, especially since I adore angels!

11.  Most annoying thing about this time of the year?

The insanity at the stores where people who should know how to be civil and polite suddenly forget.

12.  Do you like Fruitcake?

I honestly don't know. I've never tried it.  I love my family's pork sausage cake (German tradition passed on for generations).  I used to think it was fruitcake, but have since realized it is not. ;)

13.  What are you most excited about the holidays?

Seeing Ginny's response to everything and opening her presents with her.

14.  Do you open presents Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning?

Christmas morning, of course! After all, Santa doesn't arrive until Christmas morning.

15.  Will you still be wrapping presents on Christmas Eve?

Nope. I have to have all my wrapping done before we leave for Iowa to see my in-laws. 

My Musical Girl

Ginny right before a class.

Since mid-September, Ginny and I have been spending 30 minutes of most Thursdays in Springfield attending a Musikgarten
class. Some people thought it was silly that Ginny, at that young age, would be attending a music class.  I did look for Mommy & Me classes and other related activities. However, those types of classes are sorely lacking in my small town much less Springfield.  After some consideration, I signed the two of us up for the class as a way to introduce Ginny to music in a different way and interact with other babies.

Ginny is the youngest in her class.  We started the class when she was only 4 months old.  All of the other babies were 7 months old or older at the beginning.  She absolutely adores her music class! Ginny enjoys seeing the other babies in the class, but she especially seems to enjoy the music.  My daughter loves listening to the singing and bouncing around.  I've enjoyed the class as well.  It gives me a few minutes each week to interact with other moms.  I've also learned a few more songs that I can sing to Ginny and act out with her in a fun way.

Ginny next to her teacher

Recently, Chris joined us at a class. He had been reluctant, to say the least. I think he was afraid of looking silly.  Also, he thought it would look strange if he was the only dad present. I tried reassuring him several times that he would fit in nicely.  Finally, I convinced him to come.  He seemed to enjoy the class, particularly watching Ginny's face light up and hearing her squeal with delight.

Dancing in the classroom with Daddy.

Our last class is coming up soon.  I decided to hold off on signing her up for a spring class.  We will probably wait until she is toddling and can join the toddler class either in the summer or next fall.  In the meantime, I will put on the CD that came with the class materials and play at home with Ginny.

I'm so happy that Ginny loves music. She already loves to "sing".  (You should hear her "singing" at Mass).  I hope this love of music continues throughout her life.  She is definitely my musical baby girl.

A fun musical game of peek-a-boo

Christmas Cookies

Our share of the cookies

Do you ever get the feeling that someone else has taken over in your body?  I had that recently. Every Christmas until I met Chris, with one exception, I have not baked a thing for Christmas. Not really. It wasn't that I didn't love cookies or candy, but I just didn't see the need in baking lots of cookies when I would be the only one eating them.  After Chris and I got married, I did end up making Oatmeal Raisin cookies at Christmas time. Why? I'm not quite sure since again I would be the only one eating the cookies. Chris doesn't like raisins (poor soul).

Since I've had Ginny, I feel like my mother has taken over in a strange way. I feel all domestic. More so than ever.  While I was at Mass on Sunday, I suddenly had this urge to bake cookies for the hospital volunteers at St. John's where I used to volunteer.  As I ruminated on that thought, it felt good. It felt like I needed to do it.  Then I figured that we could keep a good chunk of the cookies for ourselves, despite the fact that Ginny doesn't eat cookies yet. 

So, for the last few days, I have found myself quite busy with baking cookies and making candy for Christmas. I baked five different types of cookies: Oatmeal Raisin, Angel Thumbprints, Russian T-balls, Snickerdoodles, and White Chocolate Macadamia.  Additionally, I made White Chocolate-Covered Pretzels (with sprinkles) and Peanut Brittle.

It took a few days to get it all done. I would have been done sooner had I remembered to buy butter when I went grocery shopping on Tuesday. However, I finished all my baking and candy making yesterday afternoon. It felt great accomplishing this task.  My domestic side was fulfilled.

As I finished each batch of cookies or candy, I would put some on my cookie plates to keep at home. The rest would be divided with a large portion going into a bag meant for the hospital volunteers and some going to a friend of mine who lives in Arizona, Amy.  

The cookies we will drop off at the hospital today.

A while back, the last time I had an urge to bake, Amy told me that if I had a huge desire to bake again to go ahead and send some to her. She is a fabulous lady who deserves some treats in her life. So, I took her up on her request and will be sending some of these goodies to her.

Amy's selection of cookies

I did enjoy the baking I did this week.  I'm a bit out of practice and see the flaws in some of what was baked. I figure over the next few years, my baking attempts will improve. What I most look forward to is including Ginny when I bake. Next year, I figure that I will make sugar cookies and have her help me, just a little, with decorating the cookies. I can't wait!

In the meantime, Chris, Ginny, and I will be delivering the cookies to the hospital later this morning. I hope they enjoy them as much as I enjoyed making them.

My Florida Vacation

Ginny checking me out while on the road.

Boy, oh boy! The last 11 days have been quite busy.  A week ago, on Monday, Chris, Ginny, and I left on a road trip to see my family in Florida.  It took us two days worth of driving to get there. Along the way, we even stopped and had breakfast with a college friend of mine. We were glad when we finally arrived so we could relax and enjoy visiting with family.

My parents have visited us 3 times since Ginny was born in April.  However, Ginny is now at the age where she isn't sure about people beyond Mommy & Daddy.  So, when Grandma tried to hold her, Ginny was not thrilled.  Grandpa was even worse in some ways. You see, my dad has a beard. Ginny wasn't quite sure what to think of the beard. After 24 hours, Ginny did adjust to Grandma and was fine being held by her.  It took another day until she was as accommodating to Grandpa.

Ginny checking out Grandpa's beard.

Ginny enjoying St. Augustine & The Conch House

While we were in Florida, we spent the first two days shopping.  The first day was spent Christmas and birthday shopping.  We hit the stores with my parents to pick up a birthday gift for my niece Kendall's sixth birthday.  Since we won't see her or my nephew Carson on Christmas, we went ahead and bought their Christmas gifts and later wrapped them, leaving the gifts with Grandma and Grandpa to deliver.  Of course, we had to go to Toys 'R Us to shop. The store was insanely busy....on a Wednesday....before Noon. Ugh and oh my! Really?   I can only imagine the craziness on the weekend.  The next day, Thursday, we drove down with my folks to St. Augustine to go shopping at the outlet mall.  We stopped at Carter's and OshKosh. I found quite a few cute new outfits for Ginny at a good price.  She needed clothes since she only had a few items in the next size up.  After getting our purchases, we had lunch at The Conch House.  The food was pretty good and it was a beautiful day.

Aunt Amy and Ginny

On Friday, Chris, Ginny, and I drove to Gainesville, Florida so we could spend some time with my sister and her family.  Amy, my sis, had been warned that Ginny might take some warming up before being able to hold her.  Amy didn't need to worry. Ginny let her hold her right away.  She wasn't as kind to her Uncle Jeff though. Oops.  Ginny's cousins Kendall and Carson were thrilled to see Ginny again (they visited her in August).  They seemed to enjoy playing with her. Carson seemed especially fascinated. He stood near the monitor to listen to her play after she was put to bed.  Too cute!

Birthday girl Kendall!

We stayed in Gainesville the next day so we could attend Kendall's birthday party.  It was held at a local gym with activities for the kids to enjoy.  Then, we all headed back to Jax.  By the time we got to Mom and Dad's house, Ginny was very tired and got put to bed right away.

Sunday was spent
like we do most Sundays, going to Mass.  The nice thing was that my parents watch Ginny while Chris and I went to Mass. Later that afternoon, my Aunt Nita and her husband Todd came over as well as my cousin Tiffany to meet Ginny.  It took a little bit of time, but Ginny warmed up to Aunt Nita. However, Todd seemed to scare

Cousin Tiffany and Grandma playing with Ginny

her.  Soon after they left, Chris and I got ready to go on a date. My parents volunteered to baby sit Ginny so we could have dinner out and see a movie.  We started off by having dinner at Carrabba's.  It is a definite favorite of ours.  We don't have one in our town (or anywhere near us for that matter) so it was an appreciated treat.  Our date was shortened a bit though.  Ginny started giving Grandma and Grandpa trouble by refusing to eat dinner and then refusing her bottle before bed. After we bought our tickets to the movie (and while Chris was getting me a soda), I got a text from Mom letting me know that Ginny was having a major meltdown. She had refused the bottle and had been crying non-stop for 30 minutes.  So, we returned the movie tickets (thank goodness they let you do that) and headed back.  Ginny still hadn't stopped wailing when we arrived. Once Daddy got a hold of her and I started singing to her, she calmed down. Chris and I could have gone back out to a later movie, but we decided to stay in. We ended up in the dining room and played a game of Monopoly (I won!).

Chris at Carrabba's

Outside the movie theater and ready to head on in.

Our last day in Jacksonville was spent finishing up laundry and getting packed up again. We also went over to Orange Park to the school I used to teach at so I could show off Ginny.  Amazingly, Ginny let 3 different people hold her without throwing a fit. Yay!

Then, we drove back to Illinois on Tuesday and Wednesday. We are now home, finally unpacked, and trying to get back into the groove of day to day life at home.  I would prefer to be lazy for a couple of days, but, unfortunately, that isn't possible.  It is good to be home though!