I love genealogy! I will admit to getting obsessed by it as well. It really is my obsession. I can literally spend several hours in a row researching my family. Heck, not even my family, any one's family. It is a lot of fun looking into a family's history. When you tie it into the historical context of what was going on at that time, it can be quite remarkable. For example, today I discovered a distant female cousin who was a librarian for 40 years, most of it at Princeton University. She got a Master's degree in 1928. Something rare for a woman to do at that time in our history.
Why am I obsessed? I'm not sure. I know what drew me to genealogy though. In 1997, soon after my suicide attempt and bipolar diagnosis, I started pelting my parents with questions about our family history. My particular interest was in the mental health history of my family. I wanted to know how much genetics ruled my mental health. I knew my paternal grandfather killed himself. He did that when I was 15. What I learned though was that his father killed himself. I had heard about a "crazy" great-grandaunt and that my great-grandmother was somehow "off." I learned that my great-grandaunt was actually institutionalized for most of her life and until she died, but there was no official diagnosis.
As I kept looking into my family's history, I got more intrigued. Who was this person's father or mother? Where did they come from? Why did the move from Virginia to Tennessee? Why did they live in Arkansas go to Kansas only to move to Oklahoma? What brought my ancestors from England to Massachusetts in the 1630s?
Over these past 13 years, I've done my research in waves. I know I get obsessed. So, if I was busy with work, I couldn't do much research otherwise I couldn't focus on work or what needed to be done at home. These past several years have given me a lot of insight into my family's history and a lot of joy. I have discovered that I have a lot of Dutch ancestry...something I didn't know before. I've stumbled on info tying me to royalty in England (well, my mom found that with a little help from me). Something I found interesting is that on my father's side of the family, within the direct line, we all have itchy feet and the desire to move. It was rare that an ancestor stayed in one state beyond 2 generations. Whereas a good portion of my mother's family has been living in Missouri since the early 1800s in the same county. Heck, in one county, I am probably related to a good 60-70% of the population, we have been there so long.
I don't get people who don't find their family history remotely interesting. My sister is one of those. But, that is fine. I've even done some research for her mother-in-law, and thus my niece and nephew, and discovered they are distant nieces/nephews of Daniel Boone. Pretty cool and something I know they will appreciate growing up.
One thing I would love to do is someone's genealogy for them and get paid for it. I mean, doing something you love and getting paid for it? What could be better than that? I doubt that will ever happen, and I'm okay with that. Now...I better get back to my obsession. I have some family research to work on.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
Reply Hazy, Try Again
This morning, we went to see the doctor to get the results from all the b/w (bloodwork) and the analysis of the embryonic tissue. We had the b/w and analysis done for 2 reasons. 1) To know why we miscarried in the first place and 2)To find out why I haven't been able to carry a baby to term.
After waiting for a long while in the office, the doctor came in with her news. She said I had no chromosonal abnormalities (woo hoo!) and everything else looked good. Unfortunately, they were unable to get information from the embryonic tissue because there wasn't enough. She said that was normal since I wasn't that far along.
The only information that she did give us that was new dealt with my IgM antibodies. While they ruled out any blood clotting conditions for me, they did discover that my IgM antibodies were slightly/mildly elevated. Dr. Quinn said that could cause clotting. But because it was mild, she doubted that was what caused the issue. However, she couldn't be sure. So, she wants me to start taking a baby aspirin every day. If that was the issue, then that would "fix" it by thinning out my blood more. If we get pregnant again, I'll continue with the aspirin until I'm 12 weeks along.
So, no clear answers as to why I keep losing babies. I've told God that he now has 3 new angels and to please let us keep the next one. We'll have to wait and see though. I do have hope though! I've had some dreams recently where I have a baby. This could be wishful dreaming, but I like to see it as a hopeful sign that I'm not out yet. My doctor also seems optimistic and hopeful about our chances.
We did decide to not see a fertility specialist unless we lose another baby. I don't know what good a fertility doctor would do anyway. Our religion limits the lengths we will go through to become pregnant. I also don't want the goal of being pregnant to be an obsession. I honestly believe that if God wants us to be parents, he will assist us in that. We'll see.
After waiting for a long while in the office, the doctor came in with her news. She said I had no chromosonal abnormalities (woo hoo!) and everything else looked good. Unfortunately, they were unable to get information from the embryonic tissue because there wasn't enough. She said that was normal since I wasn't that far along.
The only information that she did give us that was new dealt with my IgM antibodies. While they ruled out any blood clotting conditions for me, they did discover that my IgM antibodies were slightly/mildly elevated. Dr. Quinn said that could cause clotting. But because it was mild, she doubted that was what caused the issue. However, she couldn't be sure. So, she wants me to start taking a baby aspirin every day. If that was the issue, then that would "fix" it by thinning out my blood more. If we get pregnant again, I'll continue with the aspirin until I'm 12 weeks along.
So, no clear answers as to why I keep losing babies. I've told God that he now has 3 new angels and to please let us keep the next one. We'll have to wait and see though. I do have hope though! I've had some dreams recently where I have a baby. This could be wishful dreaming, but I like to see it as a hopeful sign that I'm not out yet. My doctor also seems optimistic and hopeful about our chances.
We did decide to not see a fertility specialist unless we lose another baby. I don't know what good a fertility doctor would do anyway. Our religion limits the lengths we will go through to become pregnant. I also don't want the goal of being pregnant to be an obsession. I honestly believe that if God wants us to be parents, he will assist us in that. We'll see.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
One Year Ago
One year ago today, I was admitted to ICU at Orange Park Hospital in Orange Park, Florida. As my day started on the 20th of February, I never anticipated that by early Saturday morning I would be in ICU.
Instead, I was excited!! My fiance was coming to see me. He couldn't come down for Valentine's day, so he was coming that weekend instead. We had been counting down to his visit and I was looking forward to his visit. How I got through a day of teaching my 1st graders, I don't know. We hadn't seen each other since January 2 (the longest we had been apart since our first date in July). I couldn't wait to pick him up at the airport.
My day went pretty quickly; however, trouble started around 2:25 p.m. that afternoon. At that moment, a headache came on and strong. I had over 30 children in my classroom ready to be dismissed at back drive (where parents drove and picked them up). I was losing my patience quickly, partly because each time I turned my head, I had this pulsing sensation in my head. After I left the kids at the dismissal point with another teacher covering for me, I headed home so I could take out Daisy Mae (my dog) and then head to the airport to get Chris. I took a couple of Motrin before I even left school and I hoped they would take effect soon. Once at the airport, not only did I still have a headache, but it was a bit worse. So, in a scramble (and after realizing Chris's flight was delayed by 15 minutes), I went to gift shop and bought more Motrin and took 2 of them.
Chris and I were able to visit with each other, but I could tell he was worried. He encouraged me to go to the doctor, but I said I would be fine. It was a weird bug and I was sure I'd feel better in the morning. We had dinner and then hung out on the couch spending time together. But by 9 p.m., not only was my headache still there (not one Motrin ever worked) but I was also tired and wanted to lay down. Chris was also tired. Chris, again, encouraged me to see the doctor right then. I said no. So, he went to the guest room as I went to my bedroom. Soon after getting in my room, I was freezing cold. I was in my PJs and under the covers and couldn't get warm. I tried to sleep but with an awful headache that only seemed to get worse and being cold, I couldn't.
Around 11 p.m. I had to use the restroom. So I went to my bathroom. I had problems walking there, as I was dizzy and unsteady. As soon as I sat on the toilet, I threw up every where and couldn't seem to stop. I knew that I needed to see a doctor and soon. I had never been this sick before in my life. As I held the wall and my furniture to walk, I changed my PJ pants which now how a ton of vomit on them. I sat on my bed, took my temperature (which was over 103), and yelled for Chris. I kept calling out for him until I heard him say he was on his way. He came right away to see what was going on. I told him I thought I needed to see the doctor. He agreed after I told him what had been going one with me. He threw on his jacket and went outside to warm up my car. Then he came and got me. I could barely walk. He had to help me walk.
From there we went to the hospital ER which was only 5-7 minutes away. I anticipated we would have to wait a while before being seen...isn't that how it always is? Instead, after telling them what was going on, they brought me back within 5 minutes. I couldn't walk anymore and they rolled me by wheelchair. After that, my memory gets very fuzzy. I know someone mentioned spinal meningitis, but don't remember when. I had to give them a urine sample and they sent Chris in with me to help. In our state at the time, neither of us thought to mention we weren't married and were waiting to be initmate until we were. However, Chris was a perfect gentleman and helped me on and off the toilet but hid his eyese otherwise. I remember being cold and put in a room where it seemed like we waited forever. Chris says they gave me drugs and they knocked me out like a light.
Around 5 a.m. or so, the doctors determined I had spinal meningitis and admitted me to the hospital and finally moved me to a room in ICU. While that was going on, Chris had the task of notifying my parents about what was going on. I spent 3 weeks + in the hospital from there. During my time in the hospital, it was discovered I had a hole in my skull and neurosurgery was done to correct the problem.
In all, I was away from work for 2 1/2 months. It was a difficult time for my family, friends, Chris, and myself. I am so grateful that God was there for us! I had many friends praying for me and people I didn't know also added their prayers. I never want to scare my family or Chris again like that if possible. It was a year ago, but doesn't seem like that long. I do have one side effect of that surgery--an inability to smell (I can taste for those wondering). But, all in all, if that is the payment I need so that I can live....I'll take it. Life is good and wonderful! I married my best friend a few months later and we are quite happy. I hope this next year, though, is a bit less eventful.
Instead, I was excited!! My fiance was coming to see me. He couldn't come down for Valentine's day, so he was coming that weekend instead. We had been counting down to his visit and I was looking forward to his visit. How I got through a day of teaching my 1st graders, I don't know. We hadn't seen each other since January 2 (the longest we had been apart since our first date in July). I couldn't wait to pick him up at the airport.
My day went pretty quickly; however, trouble started around 2:25 p.m. that afternoon. At that moment, a headache came on and strong. I had over 30 children in my classroom ready to be dismissed at back drive (where parents drove and picked them up). I was losing my patience quickly, partly because each time I turned my head, I had this pulsing sensation in my head. After I left the kids at the dismissal point with another teacher covering for me, I headed home so I could take out Daisy Mae (my dog) and then head to the airport to get Chris. I took a couple of Motrin before I even left school and I hoped they would take effect soon. Once at the airport, not only did I still have a headache, but it was a bit worse. So, in a scramble (and after realizing Chris's flight was delayed by 15 minutes), I went to gift shop and bought more Motrin and took 2 of them.
Chris and I were able to visit with each other, but I could tell he was worried. He encouraged me to go to the doctor, but I said I would be fine. It was a weird bug and I was sure I'd feel better in the morning. We had dinner and then hung out on the couch spending time together. But by 9 p.m., not only was my headache still there (not one Motrin ever worked) but I was also tired and wanted to lay down. Chris was also tired. Chris, again, encouraged me to see the doctor right then. I said no. So, he went to the guest room as I went to my bedroom. Soon after getting in my room, I was freezing cold. I was in my PJs and under the covers and couldn't get warm. I tried to sleep but with an awful headache that only seemed to get worse and being cold, I couldn't.
Around 11 p.m. I had to use the restroom. So I went to my bathroom. I had problems walking there, as I was dizzy and unsteady. As soon as I sat on the toilet, I threw up every where and couldn't seem to stop. I knew that I needed to see a doctor and soon. I had never been this sick before in my life. As I held the wall and my furniture to walk, I changed my PJ pants which now how a ton of vomit on them. I sat on my bed, took my temperature (which was over 103), and yelled for Chris. I kept calling out for him until I heard him say he was on his way. He came right away to see what was going on. I told him I thought I needed to see the doctor. He agreed after I told him what had been going one with me. He threw on his jacket and went outside to warm up my car. Then he came and got me. I could barely walk. He had to help me walk.
From there we went to the hospital ER which was only 5-7 minutes away. I anticipated we would have to wait a while before being seen...isn't that how it always is? Instead, after telling them what was going on, they brought me back within 5 minutes. I couldn't walk anymore and they rolled me by wheelchair. After that, my memory gets very fuzzy. I know someone mentioned spinal meningitis, but don't remember when. I had to give them a urine sample and they sent Chris in with me to help. In our state at the time, neither of us thought to mention we weren't married and were waiting to be initmate until we were. However, Chris was a perfect gentleman and helped me on and off the toilet but hid his eyese otherwise. I remember being cold and put in a room where it seemed like we waited forever. Chris says they gave me drugs and they knocked me out like a light.
Around 5 a.m. or so, the doctors determined I had spinal meningitis and admitted me to the hospital and finally moved me to a room in ICU. While that was going on, Chris had the task of notifying my parents about what was going on. I spent 3 weeks + in the hospital from there. During my time in the hospital, it was discovered I had a hole in my skull and neurosurgery was done to correct the problem.
In all, I was away from work for 2 1/2 months. It was a difficult time for my family, friends, Chris, and myself. I am so grateful that God was there for us! I had many friends praying for me and people I didn't know also added their prayers. I never want to scare my family or Chris again like that if possible. It was a year ago, but doesn't seem like that long. I do have one side effect of that surgery--an inability to smell (I can taste for those wondering). But, all in all, if that is the payment I need so that I can live....I'll take it. Life is good and wonderful! I married my best friend a few months later and we are quite happy. I hope this next year, though, is a bit less eventful.
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