Trying for Another

When Chris and I got married, we knew we wanted to have children. We planned to start right away because I was already 37 and not getting any younger.  Because of my age, we figured that it might take us a while to get pregnant, and even had come to terms with the fact that we might not be able to conceive. Needless to say, we were quite surprised to find out we got pregnant on our honeymoon. Shock, surprise, and delight were the emotions that filled us up at that time.  We ended up telling our families right away. We wanted to shout it out from the rooftops.  Our joy was short-lived though. Two days after confirming our pregnancy, I started bleeding and ended up losing the baby.

The pain that followed was tough. Not only did Chris and I have to mourn the loss of what might have been, but we had to go back and tell our families about our loss.  I was crushed, but hopeful. To me, the fact that I got pregnant so easily was a good sign. My fertility was still in place. We should be able to get pregnant and have a baby. So, I kept praying that we would get pregnant again. And, we did. Twice more. Two more losses. For our first two pregnancies, we didn't make it past 4 1/2 weeks. The last loss, our third, was the hardest. We made it to 8 weeks, or so I thought, when we discovered the baby died at 6 weeks. I was devastated and so was Chris.

As we healed and prepared to try again, I changed my prayer to God. I stopped asking Him for a pregnancy. He had already granted me three of those. Instead, I got very specific and asked Him for a full-term pregnancy that would result in a child that we would be able to raise into adulthood with His love and guidance.  I also asked Him for no more losses. I told God that I would much prefer not to conceive than to lose another baby.

Even now, those losses are hard. I still remember each due date. I still remember the hope. I still wonder if my babies are angels in heaven, and if I will ever get to meet them someday. Truthfully, I believe they are angels now.

It has now been nearly 9 months since we had Ginny. The doctor told us to wait 9 months before we tried to conceive again. She felt that my body would need time to heal and fully recover before undergoing another C-section. Chris and I want to have at least one more baby.  We are hopeful that we will be able to provide Ginny with a sibling, something we both want for her. However, I am now 40. At 40, the odds of conceiving drop, and it is more likely that if we do conceive that we will miscarry.  We are ready to start trying again, but I am scared that we will face the same losses again. Obviously, we don't want anymore losses. I would much rather not get pregnant again than to lose another baby. The pain is just too much.

Again, I am asking for God's help and guidance in this next attempt to have a child. My prayer has shifted a bit as well. "Dear God, Please help Chris and I conceive a baby that we will carry to term. A baby that we will raise into adulthood with Your love and guidance. Please also grant us this baby so that Ginny has a sibling that will be with her throughout her life. Amen."

"Meet Me on Monday"

Another blogger I follow, Mouthy Barber Mom, started playing a question game today. I liked the idea so much that I decided to do it myself. If you are a blogger too, try it as well. ;) Here we go.

Questions:

1.  Wrapping paper or gift bags?

I'm starting to become a huge lover of gift bags! But, I still like wrapping gifts in paper (provided I have the time) with beautiful bows.

2.  Real or artificial tree?

Artificial. I lived in apartments for years that didn't allow live trees due to the fire hazard. Besides, I'm very allergic to pine trees. I don't want to be in pain or have an asthma attack at Christmas.

3.  When do you put your tree up?

The Saturday after Thanksgiving....always!!

4.  When do you take your tree down?

That has been a matter of debate in our house. My husband leans toward New Year's Day (or soon after). I shoot for the 12th Day of Christmas--January 6.  So, somewhere between then, usually.

5.  Do you like eggnog?

Heck, no! Gross.

6.  Do you have a nativity scene?

Yes.  We actually have 2 of them.  I don't have the one I dream of though. I'd love to have the Willow Tree Nativity scene someday. Love it!

7.  Favorite Christmas Movie?

Depends on the year. I love so many. Right now it has to be "White Christmas". I adore old movies.

8.  Favorite Christmas cookie?

Sugar cookies with icing on them. A close second are oatmeal raisin cookies that I make (my mom's recipe).

9.  Where will you eat Christmas dinner?

We will be going to my brother-in-law's house and have a celebration there before Christmas this year (with dinner).  However, for the first time since knowing each other, Chris and I will be having a Christmas dinner at home on Christmas day. I'm so excited!

10.  Angel, bow or star on top of your tree?

Angel.  I grew up with angels on the tree.  I can't imagine it any other way, especially since I adore angels!

11.  Most annoying thing about this time of the year?

The insanity at the stores where people who should know how to be civil and polite suddenly forget.

12.  Do you like Fruitcake?

I honestly don't know. I've never tried it.  I love my family's pork sausage cake (German tradition passed on for generations).  I used to think it was fruitcake, but have since realized it is not. ;)

13.  What are you most excited about the holidays?

Seeing Ginny's response to everything and opening her presents with her.

14.  Do you open presents Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning?

Christmas morning, of course! After all, Santa doesn't arrive until Christmas morning.

15.  Will you still be wrapping presents on Christmas Eve?

Nope. I have to have all my wrapping done before we leave for Iowa to see my in-laws. 

My Musical Girl

Ginny right before a class.

Since mid-September, Ginny and I have been spending 30 minutes of most Thursdays in Springfield attending a Musikgarten
class. Some people thought it was silly that Ginny, at that young age, would be attending a music class.  I did look for Mommy & Me classes and other related activities. However, those types of classes are sorely lacking in my small town much less Springfield.  After some consideration, I signed the two of us up for the class as a way to introduce Ginny to music in a different way and interact with other babies.

Ginny is the youngest in her class.  We started the class when she was only 4 months old.  All of the other babies were 7 months old or older at the beginning.  She absolutely adores her music class! Ginny enjoys seeing the other babies in the class, but she especially seems to enjoy the music.  My daughter loves listening to the singing and bouncing around.  I've enjoyed the class as well.  It gives me a few minutes each week to interact with other moms.  I've also learned a few more songs that I can sing to Ginny and act out with her in a fun way.

Ginny next to her teacher

Recently, Chris joined us at a class. He had been reluctant, to say the least. I think he was afraid of looking silly.  Also, he thought it would look strange if he was the only dad present. I tried reassuring him several times that he would fit in nicely.  Finally, I convinced him to come.  He seemed to enjoy the class, particularly watching Ginny's face light up and hearing her squeal with delight.

Dancing in the classroom with Daddy.

Our last class is coming up soon.  I decided to hold off on signing her up for a spring class.  We will probably wait until she is toddling and can join the toddler class either in the summer or next fall.  In the meantime, I will put on the CD that came with the class materials and play at home with Ginny.

I'm so happy that Ginny loves music. She already loves to "sing".  (You should hear her "singing" at Mass).  I hope this love of music continues throughout her life.  She is definitely my musical baby girl.

A fun musical game of peek-a-boo