15 Weeks 1 Day

Wow! I can't believe I made it this far! After 3 losses, I'm still a bit more nervous than I think most pregnant moms without losses would be though. I really believed that after that last ultrasound I would totally relax. I was wrong. Instead, I find myself still in constant prayer--speaking to God, Jesus, Mary, Joseph, St. Gerard, and my patron saint, Saint Catherine of Siena, asking for this baby to continue to be strong and healthy so it can be born to Chris and I in April. In the future, I suppose I can use this worry to my advantage when I can guilt my child by telling them I've worried about them since before they were born. LOL! I know this is only the beginning and the worrying won't cease until I do (which hopefully won't be until I'm at least 90.)

Part of what makes me worry, I suppose, is that fact that I'm still in an in-between phase of pregnancy. My baby bump is slowly growing everyday, but not to the point where others can tell quite yet. After all, I still can wear the clothes I was wearing before I was pregnant (for the most part, some of the shirts are too tight across the bust now so....). I'm also at a place where I can't feel the baby moving yet. That can start to happen anytime, but I've heard that since I'm a plus size girl (or as my cousin calls it, and I love, a "fluffy" girl), I might not feel this baby until I'm closer to 20 weeks. I did have an awesome dream this week where I saw my baby as it would look now. The hand was pushing against my belly to the point I could make out it was a hand and the baby's face was pressed as well so I could tell some details of the face. While I know this dream was unrealistic, I found it a bit reassuring. It was like Baby G was saying hello to me in my dream!

One thing I am ready to come to an end is morning sickness. There are days, even weeks, where I begin to believe that it is easing up. Days where I still get sick in the morning but the all-day nausea is gone. I can handle getting sick in the morning. It is part of my daily routine now. (Sad, huh? LOL!) But then, just when I think it is over, I eat dinner and then lose it soon after. The next day I end up with the all-day nausea again and barely eat (although I try). That part, I'm done with. In the last 2 days, though, I have only had dry heaves in the morning and no more nausea the rest of the day (although last night I had some before going to sleep).

Part of my concern about the morning sickness, at this point, is the fact that I've been losing weight since being pregnant. Who knew that being pregnant would be a great diet plan? I sure didn't mean for it to be. Honestly. Because I am a "fluffy" girl, my doctor told me that I should only gain 15-20 pounds during this pregnancy. At that first appointment, I was already down 5 pounds. Since then, I've dropped another 7 pounds which puts me at 12 pounds lost. My goal was to maintain my weight for a while, until around 20 weeks, because I know most women really gain weight in that 3rd trimester. Losing was never my plan. Once this morning sickness goes away in full (hopefully) I imagine that I'll be able to gain back the weight I lost. I really shouldn't be losing any more weight. We shall see if my current reprieve will last. Unfortunately, I'm not counting on it. Just enjoying it for now.