The Single Friend

My Sistatwin and I nearly 5 years ago.
She is now the Godmother to my oldest child.

Almost daily, I pinch myself in wonderment over the fact that I am happily married with two beautiful daughters. If you had asked me just 5 years ago to imagine myself in this place now, I would have laughed and said it was not likely to happen and that I had no clue where I would be in five years. Five years ago, I was single, 36 years old, and had only been on one date in 9 years.  Pretty pitiful, right? I desperately wanted to be a mom, but had finally come to the conclusion that it would not likely happen for me, and had come to terms with that thought.

I was the single friend, the single family member. I was the one who was alone. No partner in life, and, honestly, only a couple of friends. It wasn't that I hadn't tried to make friends, but for some reason I had difficulty making connections with people. Part of the issue I had was the fact that I was single and in my mid-thirties heading into my late thirties. Most everyone else I knew at my age was, at the very least, married and had children. They were not interested in being friends with a singleton, to steal a phrase from Bridget Jones.

Being single in your thirties and older is not easy, especially if you want to be married someday and have children.  One of the hardest aspects to being single at that stage in your life is that many of your old friends have "moved on" from you.  They get involved in their lives with their spouse and kids, and seem to seek out friends with similar situations. Suddenly, you find yourself unceremoniously "dumped" because you don't have a partner or kids.

Then, there is the situation with your family too. A group of women I know,the Pinkies, recently discussed this very issue. Many of them are single, and quite a few in their late-thirties and forties. In their families, the married family members seem to make all the choices and decisions regarding family events and holidays. Apparently, the single family member is not seen as meriting any input because they don't have children. Their input is not expected, nor wanted. I know I felt that way at times. Sometimes, I felt the loneliest when I was with my family. I know it wasn't their intent that I feel that way, but I did. My moments of loneliness came when a new baby came into the family. I remember my parents being thrilled with the arrival of a new grandchild and holding the baby.  I enjoyed watching them hold their new grandbaby.  However, I noticed that once one of them held the baby, my mom or dad would make sure to take a picture of the person holding the child. When I would get the opportunity to hold the baby, no one took my picture with it. Had I asked, I'm sure it would have happened, but with my parents, it was automatic. No asking needed. The loneliness happened when I realized I didn't have someone to do that for me, that I HAD to ask to make it happen.

Here I am, now though, five years later. I have that person that will take a picture, even if I don't want it taken, without me needing to ask. I don't feel lonely anymore.

I do have the single friend though. I have a few of them.  It is important to me to make sure they know that they count in my life, and that my marital status and familial status has not changed their importance. Granted, I am not always the best friend out there because I hate talking on the phone, but how I treat my single friends has not changed.

Another fabulous single friend of mine holding my daughter.

If you are married, in a relationship, and/or have children, please do not forget your single friends or family members. Try to be that person for them at an event who remembers to make them a part of their time with you so they don't feel alone, even when surrounded by others. Be that person to them who takes a picture or spend special time with them.

My single friends mean the world to me. They may not always be single, then again they may never marry, but they will, hopefully, always be my friend.