supposed to have a baby in my arms. In the last couple of weeks, I've become aware that I was nearing my 1st EDD (estimated due date) for my 1st loss. That day is here. It first dawned on me that it wasn't coming when the Census arrived. I realized that if we had stayed pregnant, I would have waited to fill in the census so that I could include our new baby. However, that obviously did not happen.
It is weird when you think of your loss on a day that you thought would be joyous. I'm not sad and weepy, just reflective. I wish we had kept that pregnancy, but it wasn't in God's plan for us. At the time, I chalked it up to that since I figured God just wanted Chris and I to be a married couple a while longer before becoming parents. But after 3 losses, I begin to question God's plan in this. I know he has one. I also feel called to be a mother. It is possible, though, that I never will be one. If that is the case, I'll have to come to accept it. In the meantime, we will keep trying until I reach menopause and becoming a mother is impossible. According to the doctors, thus far, there is nothing wrong with Chris or me that would prevent it from happening.
I've heard different information on miscarriages. One is that if you have had more than 2 miscarriages, the odds of you have another miscarriage is pretty high (a lot higher than for those who haven't had one). The other stat I've learned is that 97% of women who have gotten pregnant and miscarried, even multiple times, are able to carry at least one baby to term. I like that stat a lot, and it helps to give me hope. My hope now is that I will be pregnant with a healthy and growing baby the next time another EDD for a lost child comes along (July 26 & Sept 17).
Denise,
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone. Saleem and I are going through the same struggles right now and have lost 2 ourselves. I keep having tubal pregnancies and we don't know why. I try to accentuate the positive but it can be so difficult when you think of what could have been. Especially when you see so many neglected and abused children in this world that seem to be so disposable by their parents. I will keep you in my prayers!
-Jamie Friye
Thank you Jamie!
ReplyDeleteDenise, my beautiful friend...
ReplyDeleteDo not give up hope, ever. Perhaps God intends you to give a home to a child with no family. Perhaps God wishes you to wait- perhaps something in the near term is a hindrance. Or, perhaps it simply is not happening now.
I have known people who had several miscarriages, and then a couple of children. I even knew someone who had 4 miscarriages, and then were surprised to find out they had twins on the way, who were delivered healthy. Though they tried, she never became pregnant again.
Do not try to guess God's plan; simply accept that what is right and good for all involved will happen. You and Chris will be incredible parents. Well, for Democrats, anyway. (Just teasing ya...)
David